I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You made out with two different species that night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sobbing to NWA
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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