Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
