u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This house was built for laser tag.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
