By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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