god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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