She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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