he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
even my farts smell like vagina
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
