This is not my ceiling
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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