We named our party play list daddy issues
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
