Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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