we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
