Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
