just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
