OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't just leave with hair like that
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
