girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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