I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
