I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
