This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
