Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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