he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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