HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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