I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
