Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
