Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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