i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
