Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
