I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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