The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
