You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
