Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
