Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
