Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
