went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
