Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
