nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
