i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
