I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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