Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
