you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
