I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
