**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Will exercising make me less horny?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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