'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
