I want to have your abortion
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
