I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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