Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
