I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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