i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
