i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
