the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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