Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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