The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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