i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
