...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
